The new face of white pride lives in my house

Drew and Brian shortly before committing a hate crime against our Jewish neighbor.

Drive Slow

My gas tank holds exactly 20.5 gallons of premium gas. I bought 20.469 gallons of gas last night. Now that's running on fumes.
I may have gotten the worst haircut of my life today. But on second thought, it's probably second worst. That's what hats are for.

I ran 13.1 miles today and passed hella bitches on the way

I ran a half-marathon today (that's 13.1 miles for those of you who don't know) and it was one of the coolest things that I've done in a while. Kyle and Ben also ran today. At first when I asked them to run with me I thought that we'd run it together side by side. But no, Ben was way faster (he won the race) and Kyle was way slower (almost lost but didn't). So basically I was forced to run by myself most of the time and then pace or have conversations with strangers on the way. It was cool getting to know people but it was kind of annoying in that all my conversations only covered the topic of running, the last thing I wanted to think about during the race.
So probably the coolest thing that I did next to finishing the race was pass people. I started out running really slow and then I sped up continuously as the race went on. As a result I passed 20 people over the course of the race, and every time I told them "good job" or "nice work," but inside I was really laughing thinking that I was better than they were. That's not really true. But it does feel good to pass someone especially when they look healthier than you of if they look like they could possibly beat you up if you got in a fight. However, I was really relieved when I passed someone who didn't look like they should be in front of me. Maybe that is what kept me going during the race, trying to make sure I finished in fronts of people I thought were slower than myself. Most of these people were old, short, skinny, scrawny, men that were probably 40 years my senior, and I passed most of them.
An observation I made during today's run is that drinking water is really difficult when you're moving. It isn't as glamorous as the pro-marathon runners make it look. I thought that getting a cup of water would be quite simple, i.e. run by, grab a cup, pour it down your throat, throw it away, and run off without losing speed. But no, it's actually really difficult. At the first water station I grabbed a gatorade and spilled it and got sticky stuff all over my hand and arm. So the next time I decided to get water and proceeded to spill it all over my shorts. The third time I finally managed not to spill the water but nearly chocked on it. Finally I decided that I would slow down my running and take my time to take a slow and deserved gulp of water. So basically it wasn't till mile 6.7 that I finally got a real drink of water.
I hurt so bad right now. My knees are sore, my feet are in pain. and my muscles fee like they're going to cramp. I know that I'm going to pay for this 13.1 miles for the rest of the week in pain. But was it worth it? Yes it was.

Join a frat and you'll get laid!

The rugby team here at UPS has a little tradition. Every Friday when they don't have a weekend match, the guys get together, drink, and eat frozen piazzas. This past weekend they decided to have it at our house. I really wasn't too excited when I heard that the entire team would be over at my house, but after I heard some of the conversations, it was all worth it. Here is the most outrageous conversation that took place between a freshman and a upperclassmen Sigma Chi.

Freshman: What percentage of girls that walk in the fraternity do you end up having sex with? Is it like 60%?
Upperclasssmen: That's not how things work. It's probably 1 or 2 percent. We just don't want that type of image. My freshman year I had sex with 17 girls and it wasn't really a good thing for my image. Everyone knew who I was and who I had sex with. It just followed me around.
Freshman: Well I hear that the UPS library is the second sexist library in the US. Have you guys ever had sex there?
Upperclassmen: I had sex there once and it wasn't that good. I prefer the SUB at 1 or 2 in the morning.
Me: Have you even been in the library.
Freshman: I walked in once on the first floor. I didn't see anyone having sex so I left.
Freshman: Have you guys seen this video called College Hotties [I can't remember the exact title]. Because these college girls were doing it in the library in that video.

This conversation went on and on for about 20 minutes. Some other questions night included: Do you guys ever trade girlfriends, and do you guys ever have orgies? I have just lost all respect for the UPS rugby team. I'm just curious as to where the hell you find people like this.

Kyle is so cute

I almost wake up to this face every morning. He's just 5 feet away in the other room.

I heard this from some guy when I was climbing yesterday

Being a penis sucks...
You can't think with your head
You can't see with your only eye
You hang around with two nuts
Your best friend is a pussy
Your closest neighbor is an asshole
And every time you get excited, you puke

That's Hot!

A couple of weeks ago I wrote an adaptation of a scene from Antigone, an ancient Greek play that comes after the story of Oedipus. And for some reason my professor loved it. If you're familiar with Antigone, this is scene 1 where Antigone and her sister Ismanie get in a fight about whether or not to bury their brother. I put the Hilton sisters in the place of the original characters. Here it is.

Paris - Niki, your dress, that's hot!
Niki - Your dress is hot too. You ready for this party?
Paris - Not really. I just don't want to deal with the paparazzi especially after those pictures they put of us in the Enquirer last week.
Niki - I know what you mean, I want some time off from the party scene.
Paris - Exactly, that's why I announced my retirement. But this thing with Tinkerbell is really bothering me.
Niki - I know you thought that dog was hot, but it's only your dog, don't worry about it. Why don't you just get a new one to replace Tinkerbell?
Paris - That's exactly what C told me. C won't allow me to go look for her or hire people to look for her. And it was C that lost Tinkerbell too. He told me that he would have someone take her for her pedicure, and the next thing I knew, she was gone. C just said not to worry about it. I was going to bring Tinkerbell to this party, I just bought her a hot Louie Vuitton bag. I'm so mad at C.
Niki -You heard what C said. Just leave this alone. Just get a new dog. No one will know the difference between the new one and Tinkerbell.
Paris - I can't stand this. C lost my dog and now he's not doing anything about it and he won't even let me do anything about it either. He says the paparazzi will go crazy but I just want my dog back. Niki, help me look for Tinkerbell. We can take my limo and look ourselves. I’m sure the driver will know where to go.
Niki - Why would you go against what C says? He's got your career in mind and that's what's important. Come on, let's just get ready for this party. Are you going to wear you diamond ring tonight? It's hot.
Paris - Let's get in the limo now and search for Tinkerbell on the way to the party.
Niki - No.
Paris - She's my dog, and she's practically yours because you're my sister. I'm hot, you're hot, Tinkerbell's hot. We need her back. We're so hot together, and especially with that bag I just got. Come with me.
Niki - I'm going home. C's not going to be happy when he finds out you've been out in public looking for your stupid dog.
Paris - My stupid dog? Fuck You. You're not even my sister anymore. You're dead to me. Look at you, you're not hot, you're fat and ugly. I'm going to make sure that you phone number gets out on the internet again.
Niki - Paris, you're such a bitch. I hope "Paris looses her dog" is all over the papers tomorrow. I'm calling my limo and going to Diddy's party myself. I'm not going to be seen with you, bitch.
Paris - Get out of my penthouse you fat whore.

hair ties for sale

Today marks my first hair cut since July of 2004. I feel like a new man. Starting today:
-I won't have to pull hair out of the bathroom drain every week
-I won't use a comb
-I'll use 95% less shampo
-I don't need conditioner
-I can shower in quarter the time
-I won't wake up with hair in my face
-I'm 50% less cool than before
The bottom line is that things are going to change for me, in the way that I care for my hair and in my life. I don't like change and today was one of the scariest days of my life.